Really? Toemaggedon is the U.S.'s Biggest Issue?

I tend to live under a rock...at least as far as the news is concerned.  Frankly, watching 24 hour cable and network news reporting disaster after disaster (many of them over-sensationalized) as well as blow hard pundits (of both sides) spewing ill-formed opinion as fact doesn't make me feel better informed...it just makes my head hurt and my stomach feel a little nauseous.  Therefore, I missed the controversy surrounding this ad from J. Crew.  Apparently it's been discussed extensively on Fox news and made the Today show, as well as ABC.   And based on various polls, comment boards etc, support for (typical statement:  "he's a little boy playing with a clearly adoring mother, who cares?") and against (typical statement:  "he's scarred for life.  how dare she.  little boys should never, ever play with girl things ever.  he's on the direct path to becoming gay/transgendered/drag queen")  is split about evenly.

As a former sissyboy (and let me assure you my turning from a sissy boy to a sissy man was not the result of my parents' indulging (which they did...I had more Barbies than my sister) me)....i didn't turn into a sissy because I played with Barbies...I wanted to play with Barbies because I was a sissy.  Trust me, I know plenty of sissies who were never, ever allowed to touch a traditionally female toy...(but they didn't make them stop wanting to or from growing up sissified).  I favor Jon Stewart's opinion here.

Here's my own take:

1.  One thing that frightens me a lot, even more than any stupid talking points about painted toenails as the first step in transforming this toddler into some sort of crazed transgendered psychopath  is that in Fox's Dr. Ablow's article and the Today show segment, as well as other "news" sources, the picture is described as "a mother painting her son's toes."  One intro:  "j.crew has an ad with a woman painting her son's toenails.."  On one voice over, it states "...but take a closer look...she's applying nail polish..."

The problem:  look at the picture.  She's not actually painting his toes...they're already painted and the bottle of polish is closed.  Why this bothers me:  I think that new programs, even if they're heavy infotainment, should be accurate.  Sure, the picture implies that she painted his toes, but that's not what is actually happening in the photo.  Even the caption,  "Lucky for me I ended up with a boy whose favorite color is pink.  Painting toenails is way more fun in neon" doesn't actually say that she paints them.  Let's be real...even though for the photo shoot Beckett likely had a professional manicurist paint his toenails, I'm sure she's the probably the one who paints them.  but not necessarily...maybe he paints his own, maybe his dad, grandfather, or other relative does...who knows.  We aren't actually shown his toes being painted or told who does usually paint them or if this is regular behavior of  even told whose idea painting his toes was.  That doesn't stop the fact that she is described as painting his nails and, in some cases, as pressuring him to paint them.

I know that some may think this is a minor point missing the greater issues in the photo, but aren't you a little frightened of news people who can't even accurately describe a photo that is right in front of them?  God knows how accurate they are in  any situation even slightly open to interpretation.  That thought scares the shit out of me.  People with no idea of what they are talking about influencing others.

2.  I find the resulting brouhaha to be an eye-opening experience in how standing in different shoes can so dramatically change what that viewer sees.  Some pundits and commenters see a provocative liberal challenge to accepted standards of masculinity and traditional values, some see coldly calculated opportunism (ad pitchman, "i bet if we show a boy in nail polish, this thing will go viral!"), and some see it as completely innocent (executive has cute kid with what she considers cute behavior, so she features him in ad).

My take is somewhere in the middle.  One of the brightest things J.Crew and Jenna Lyons have done in the revitalization of the brand is the use of her as company muse and lifestyle model, much like all those ads of Ralph Lauren and wife in location appropriate get ups (WASP wear, island whites, cowboy coture) posing in their various homes decorated to co-ordinate, or Halston in the 1970s partying at Studio 54 surrounded by a gaggle of society and Hollywood beauties draped in his clothes...in each case a designer and/or executive showcases the company's wear in their daily lives doing their regular glamorous routine.  The idea being---wear this Halston knit...be fabulous at the exclusive disco...just like he is!  You see it today with the more successful bloggers---their whole lives (at least that part shared on their blogs) is branded...you see them doing and wearing things that make you think, "That is so her!  I'd love to be more like her.  I'm glad I read this blog about this fabulous blogger that does these bloggy things."

Jenna has carefully crafted and marketed this image of herself  as the prototypical J. Crew woman:   the new superwoman...the 80's having it all woman 2.0---glamorous, high-paid, successful career, beautiful home featured in glossy magazines, but with wonderful home life complete with beautiful child.  I really think the whole point of the ad was merely to show this:  look at me, i am a glamorous career woman...but i spend Sat. bonding with child....and look, i'm so hip, i let him paint his nails...aren't i hip and bohemian?   but I still look fabulous doing...buy this shirt and polish so you and your family can be this fabulous.

did they have another agenda? who knows, but since they have yet to issue a statement, as of now going the tasteful, "we have no comment as we consider this a non-issue and don't want to add fuel to the fire"  route as opposed to having a statement prepared, i don't really think so.  my feeling is that a group of Manhattan "taste makers,"  fashion types, and marketers really consider a boy in nail polish a non-issue as they work in a world where Andre Leon Talley swathed in floor-length cloaks and Marc Jacobs wearing skirts to formal events on a regular basis doesn't result in a batted false eye-lash.

3.  In a world with an energy crises, starvation, tsunami's', nuclear power plant melt-downs, suicides as the result of bullying, widespread genocide, plummeting literacy rates, rising health care costs,  etc.  who really gives a shit if some little boy that is not even related to you likes pink toe nail polish, even if he's in a national ad?

Unanswered Prayers and the Art of Everyday Living

Clothes line in Italy, 123rf.com

Clotheslines in Burano, Italy (an island in the Venetian lagoon) via Superstock

Another clothesline in Italy....why does everything just look better in Italy?

When I was still a teen (approximately 115 years ago when claw bangs, parachute pants, and jazz shoes were legitimate fashion choices), Garth Brooks had a popular song, "Unanswered Prayers," where he rejoiced in the way his life worked out since God didn't grant his earlier wishes.  Looking at the issue from the other side, Truman Capote named his bitter, unfinished, semi-biographical final novel "Answered Prayers," taking its title from St. Teresa of Avila, "There are more tears shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones."  In short, human beings are generally very bad at determining which situations and choices will result in the best for them.  Sometimes, the greatest outcomes derive from the worst beginnings.  In fact, a lot of my current happiness can be directly linked to being fired from my dream job in my 20s.

Recently, I have been reminded of this again.  Our dryer is on the fritz, sometimes working, more often not.  And, quite frankly, there is no room in our budget to replace it and we're also hesitant to risk paying a couple of hundred dollars to fix it with no guarantee of success.  I also don't want the inconvenience and expense of a laundromat dryer--so what to do?  Solution:  I went old school...back to my roots.  I.e.  I broke out a clothesline (we are fortunate enough to have an enclosed backyard, so we won't be annoying any potentially high-toned neighbors who might object to seeing our dainties exposed to the open air).

I started hanging out the clothes because of necessity, but I've come to enjoy it.  It reminds me of my childhood on the farm, where we (usually I was stuck with this chore, but that might be selective memory) hung our clothes out all summer...I had forgotten the wonderful smell--a combination of sunshine and fresh air--of clothes dried on the line.  Nothing beats climbing between sun-dried sheets--not even ironing them with lavender water.  It also makes me feel like I'm doing something, even though small, to help the environment and cut our costs.  It also reminds me of the summers I spent in Italy.  I always try to live "European"---seasonal food, the respect for leisure, that certain style that just invades every aspect of their lives--I had forgotten, though, the bright lines of clothes draped (even in the major cities) across and between buildings...the bright clothes fluttering like medieval banners...a splash of color and art in everyday life.

Design Decisions: Regrettez-vous?*

Former Living Room of Michelle Niday from Meredith Corp. via Cote de Texas

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Current loft of Michelle Niday also via Cote de Texas.

Do you have design regrets?  I'm not talking about outright mistakes like the time I decided to paint my already cave-like living room dark brown or the time I painted my kitchen floor bright white (not an aesthetic fail--it looked great---at least for the first 15 minutes---but let's just say I'm not the type that can keep a white floor white for long.  I'm talking about the opportunities that we have to relinquish in order to go with the design we choose.

Example above:   Ms. Niday can ( and did) have a cozy, architecturally wonderful living room, but deal with the (relatively) cramped sq. footage and choppiness, or choose to live in the expansive openness of a loft (in which case, expansive openness is exchanged for privacy and clearly delineated spaces.)  It's hard to have both though---even with the layering and clutter...I wouldn't describe the loft living area as "cozy."

 

This questioning of choices was spurred by my recent re-screening of the classic 70s film, The Turning Point, with Shirley Maclaine and Anne Bancroft as, repectively, a former dancer who chose to marry and have kids and an aging prima ballerina whose on the verge of being forced into retirement.  If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it, especially for the legendary catfight that starts in a bar, moves up the stairs, and into the parking deck of the Lincoln Center.  Short version....20 years down the road, friends wonder if they made the right life choices, and while not entirely regretting the decisions made by their younger selves, they envy the lives lived by each other.  For 70s decor fans, Deedee's (Shirley) Oklahoma City ranch is full of boho/southwest/middle class pattern and wall paper, and for 70s fashion fans, the glamourous and rail thin Emma (Anne) swans around draped in some fabulous Halston inspired slinky knits.

Anyway, the movie got me to thinking about various choices I've made, leading to the "what if" game.  You know the one...the one where you look at your turning point and think, "what if  I'd made this different choice."  Of course, in the game, the choice would have worked out perfectly and led directly to fabulosity...you're not allowed to consider that the other choice might not have worked out. 

As for as design goes, the one major decision I constantly second guess and play what if with is my kitchen.  Specifically the decision to neither move it's location or to open it up.  Let me explain:  I live in a modified shotgun house.  In fact, the downstairs is a classic shotgun, which means it's a relatively narrow space where all of the rooms open directly onto each other with no hallways.  Because it's narrow, you can typically remove walls between rooms with little or no problem because the span of the rooms is so narrow that they don't need support columns.  Further, my house is raised, which means that moving water, a c (the ducts are under the floor), and gas lines aren't a major deal.  So that means, a lot of people with similar houses, especially ones damaged during Katrina flooding, have knocked all of the rooms together and or moved the kitchen to the front (typically in a shotgun, the kitchen is the final room in the row and opens to the backyard), creating an open loft-like great room.  I didn't do that.  I preserved the original 30's layout, with the kitchen in a small enclosed room at the back.  

I did it for a variety of reasons--though the house flooded, most of the original architectural features, including trim and plaster were able to be saved, and I hated the thought of ripping them out.  Secondly, I'm not a neat person, and I've always hated living in apartments where the kitchen was on constant view and I either had to struggle to keep it neat or look at a mess.  Another reason--since our house is small, most of our entertaining focuses on the back courtyard and it's nice to have the kitchen next to it.  also, the location of our staircase, windows, and fireplace would make cabinet placement difficult.  Finally, during the renovation, cost was a consideration, and while moving the kitchen and knocking out walls would be much cheaper than in a slab foundation ranch, it would have added to the cost.  And most of the time, I'm okay with my choice--I like having the kitchen self-contained and away from public areas....and yet......

When I'm fighting my way through the crowd of guests that throng in my tiny kitchen during a party, I yearn for a larger space.  When I'm visiting friends who did open the rooms up, I enjoy the openness and expansive feeling and I start thinking..."what if..."

Am I the only one?

Perfectionism: A Worthy Goal or an Excuse to Freebase Chocolate?

Sadly, I think I've seen them in the Whole Foods on Magazine St.

The first step to avoiding the scourge that is perfectionism is to resist, no matter how hard, the temptation to match your hat and gloves to your maxi-dress while shopping....don't do it.  Remember, girls, co-ordinate, don't match....so much chicer.  All joking aside, perfectionism is nothing to joke about it (ha...that's kind of a joke...guess I'm on a roll.)

Seriously, I'm feeling overwhelmed.  I've just returned from vacation to find work deadlines looming, a major party to host next weekend (somehow I didn't realize Mardi Gras was so close to my vacation...Damn you February and your 28 days.....), plus friends arriving for the party several days ahead of schedule.  One of whom is partially allergic to pet dander.  Considering, despite my best efforts, that my house contains enough loose pet hair to make full body wigs for every hairless Chinese crested dog in existence, I sense a problem.  Making the situation worse is that another craft/design blogger may be coming to my house for the first time for the party.  Now, in addition to work and cleaning,  I want to whip the house into shape ( including touch up paint, new pillows, and painting furniture that has been in place and untouched since 2007),  artfully display  the food and drink for the party (not to mention finding time to shop for and prepare it), and re-landscape the front yard and back patio which have been neglected since spring 2010 (don't judge me).....well, you can see why I'm tempted to retreat  into a fetal position and a box of Russell Stover's.  

What I keep trying to tell myself is that there is no need for everything to be perfect.  The world won't collapse if Deyond sneezes and my coke bottles are stuck in a plastic ice chest and not artfully arranged in a custom painted metal tub surrounded by lemons.  It's hard to fight this desire for perfection, though, and I blame this woman:

Martha can kiss my lumpy, undercooked grits.

Look, I know Martha Stewart isn't REALLY the Anti-Christ, and I actually admire her and have learned a lot from her over the years, but she has contributed to our need for total perfection in the home. 

While there were chefs, decorators, and housekeeping experts before her, she is really the first to insist that all three areas must go together;  that it's not enough to bake a cake...that cake needs to be a  homemade cake...made from scratch, with seasonal, artisanal ingredients, appropriate to the occasion, location, and guests, served on THE appropriate plate (preferrably from a tag sale), with co-ordinating (but not matching ) vintage plates and hotel silver (all pulled from their perfect storage locations where they were labeled and appropriately protected from dust and possible damage), impeccable vintage linens (ironed with lavender water), and French press coffee (from whole beans of course) served in co-ordinating, but not matching paper thin cups.  

This cake must pass from your perfectly appointed kitchen with glass paned upper cabinets and white marble counter tops, through your beautifully decorated home, bathed in tasteful, but interesting, neutrals, and furnished with an interesting mix of antiques and quality upholstered furniture, including pillows and crafts that you yourself have made, though they are of high enough quality to appear to have been done professionally.  When the guests rave, you must act as if if all just happened naturally, with nothing but the slightest of efforts.

I've weighed my options, and I've decided to spend the rest of the evening curled in a fetal position, watching streaming Netflix, and freebasing chocolate...the house won't get any closer to perfection, but I'll feel a little better.

Yuengling, a Road Trip, and Jaclyn Smith: A New American Odyssey

I'm sure after my last posts,my readers, you precious unborn fawns, almost leaped from your seats with the excitement of a post from me breaking my long blog silence.  "Finally," you thought to yourselves, "my long time alone in the wilderness is over...I have a reason to live again."  Then, for the past few weeks...silence...no more sunshine, since I'm gone.

Fear not, gentle readers, I'm back, and ready to blog.  I've been on a road trip with Thomas, driving through Birmingham, Charlotte, Atlanta, and Mobile, and time away from streaming Netflix, email, and a constantly ringing cell phone is just what I needed to get my blogging juices flowing again.

It was a low-key vacay, mainly hanging with old friends, but the weather was spring perfect, the food was delicious (especially Dish and The Penquin in Charlotte...both were so good we made return trips.  Both were featured on Food Network's Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives.  I have to say this...i've eaten at 4 places featured on the show, and all four times I've been very pleased with the food.  Guy Fieri makes my slappin' hand itch, but I have to admit the show picks winners.)   But perhaps the best part...I tasted the nectar of the gods, Yuengling  beer.  It's not readily available here in New Orleans (though I've heard a rumor it's sold in Slidell); which is just as well.  I soaked up so many pints of that "local flavor" that I'm relying on Thomas's photos to show me the fun we had.

Perhaps, the best part for me, though was the chance to browse through used books stores.  I have, throughout various stages of my life, been a LEGO junkie, a china queen, and a clotheshorse.  These urges to collect have come and gone, along with the possessions.  What has never fluctuated; however, is my love of books--preferably old, and possibly smelly.  My favorite category of collectible book is somewhat unusual however; at least for a guy.  I love vintage beauty books---those how to glamour guides of the 60s, 70s, and 80s.  If you have any fondness for these, check out Bonnie Downing's Peculiar Beauty Blog. This is where I've learned about some real gems, including these I found during the trip:

 A standard autobeautyography, but entertaining for it's early 70sness...including advice on rouging nipples.  Here's Ms. Downing's definition of an autobeautyography:

 "That's my name for the genre of literature created when eccentrics, often famous eccentrics, set out to write a helpful how-to on skin care, diet, and makeup tips, and building a wardrobe that works, and end up writing their life story by revealing insecurities and deeply weird habits, confessing various secrets and betrayals, and perhaps letting a giddy need for attention push them to far."  Article by Downing Here.

Another great beauty book, a dishy tell-all by make up man to the stars (including Marilyn and Ann-Margaret), George Masters:

All you really need to know:  his "SexCal" diet included large Scotch and waters.  Nothing beats a drunk hair stylist waving around scissors and straight razors.

And finally, and my favorite, Jaclyn Smith's Beauty book from 1985:

 Though my favorite Angel was Farrah, I always did think Jaclyn Smith was the prettiest one, and enjoyed watching her in various Sydney Sheldon TV movies in the 80s--Rage of Angels has to be one of the best titles ever.  Her book is not dishy, her habits are distressingly normal, and quite frankly, she comes across as very level headed, sweet, and normal.  That's not why I like the book though:  I like it for two main reasons.

1. It's a great time capsule of "tasteful" 80s style, especially home decor, as it's mainly shot in Smith's home.  lot's of rose patterned wallpaper, hunter green walls, and floral chintz.  Jackie was ahead of her time, though;  her bathroom features a beautiful antique buffet in lieu of a built in vanity, and it's topped with.....white carrerra  marble.

2.  The absolute best part of the book, though is it's bewildered tone.  Let me explain, during the 80s, influenced by the success of Jane Fonda's workout books, lots and lots of actresses came out with How-to Beauty books and videos (you owe it to yourself to go to youtube and search for Donna Mills's The Eyes Have It and Brenda Dickson's Welcome to My Home).  Obviously, as a famous beauty (spokesman for Max Factor) who had great hair (spokesman for a couple of shampoo lines), Ms. Smith was a natural to write a how to guide.  The problem?  It's obvious the woman was born beautiful and maintained it with no effort.  They have to interview various experts to deal with beauty problems because she didn't have any.
Example, in the diet section, she's pictured with a breakfast of pancakes and bacon, explains why a burger with extra tomato and lettuce is a sensible lunch, and has only one unhappy diet story to share---she was so thin as a teenager she had to drink special weight-gain milkshakes.

I'm picturing editing sessions like this:

Editor:  okay, let's talk hair.  What do you do for bad hair days?

Jaclyn, ripping off motorcycle helmet and tossing long luxurious chestnut locks that fall into softly gleaming perfection:   What's a bad hair day?


Editor:  Fair enough...we'll just call in an expert to interview about that.  Let's move on to weight control.

Jaclyn, daintily nibbling the large slice of mushroom and pepper pizza (actually promoted as a great diet lunch in the book) held in her perfect hands with delicate shell-like nails:  I'm sorry, I didn't hear you...I was wondering if this pizza needed extra cheese....when I tried on my Nolan Miller dress earlier, the waist was a little loose.....

All joking aside, (though I'm sure she's had more than a little medical intervention) the woman knows what she's talking about.  Remember, the woman in the following picture was born in 1945 (or 47 depending if you believe IMDB or Wikipedia):

Bitch.

the importance of ambiance

What is ambiance?  it's that combination of sensory elements that add up to atmosphere:  the colour of a room's walls, the texture of upholstery fabric, the waft of air from a lazily turning ceiling fan, the aromas of exotic scents that perfume the air--it's the combination of what is often little things that turn a room into an experience.  And it can be little things that make a room special, like a wonderful scent.  Thomas just went old school and surprised me with a armfull of incense that was being clearanced at World Market.  While I've never used incense, I do like heavy, Oriental scents, so I was actually excited to try it.  Besides the idea of the perfumed smoke snaking through the air made me feel all BoHo chic.

One little stick burning made me feel like these two:

Pausing for a quick rest before returning home to lounge in this room:

Since reality is much more like this:

I think that proves the awesome power of ambiance.

A Blogger in Need

I haven't been blogging much lately....in fact, I've been in one of those moods where I'm just kind of over blogging and blogs, for that matter.  What I'm not over, though, are bloggers.

And one of my favorite bloggers, Valorie of Visual Vamp has recently suffered a tragedy (read about it in her words at Visual Vamp);  her beloved husband Alberto suffered a massive heart attack in the airport upon their arrival in Canada to teach a tango workshop.

valorie and alberto doing what they love best

 Laura at the blog Decor to Adore is hosting a bloggers' auction to raise money for valerie and alberto:  his condition is so serious that it is going to require a medevac (translation: really expensive medically supervised trip) for Alberto to return to New Orleans to be cared for by his primary physician.  Go here to see the items that have been donated so for.  You can also contribute directly to Valorie and Alberto's paypal account at boutique@planet-tango.com.

I'm auctioning off an original mixed media painting, Two at Daybreak.  It's approximately 8x11", and is gallery wrapped so framing is unnecessary.  The colours in the photo are fairly accurate, however, I will be happy to do a custom version if this colour scheme does not work for you.  All money raised will be donated to Valorie and Alberto.  The opening bid is $50.  You can leave your bid in the comments, or e-mail them to me at hms70119@live.com.

I will  be out of town from today until wed., so bidding will go on until Nov. 11 at 9 a.m.

Thank you for helping out a blogger in need.